It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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