party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
