If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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