I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
