I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
