oh fat girl friday strikes again...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
