Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
