my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
