i can't believe i had my finger in that
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
someone owes me an orgasm
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
