OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
