well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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