i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
