I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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