Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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