from now on my penis is your penis
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
