One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
