Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
