We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
