I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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