Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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