Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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