You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
