You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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