I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize