At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
