I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
