In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
