you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
