I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
