that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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