I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
