none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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