so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
