I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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