i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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