Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
