Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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