Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Couch. On fire.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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