Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
