Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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