i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
