break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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