The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
