HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
