Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
