I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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