It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You took a bar mat shot.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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