I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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