Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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