I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
