i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
