Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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