Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
