He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
