2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
