i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize