did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize