Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
