im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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