brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
