FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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