So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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