this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
