sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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