I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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